God, first off thank you for helping me gain those 4 extra pounds since I’ve been here in Florida.

My boobs are finally looking super-awesome-great in my bathing suit. Perhaps this is my karmic payback for diligently breastfeeding Layla - who, in a one year drinking frenzy, left them looking like tiny meat flaps. I am forever grateful for those four extra pounds.

But I have another favor.

I’m going on a blind date with my mother’s hairdresser in a few days. A male hairdresser God. Male hairdressers are usually very stylish God.

And I would really, really, REALLY love to have one of these bags from Elsewares.

I’m not picky God. I’ll take the clutch or the handbag. If you want me to have one of each, that’s fine too God. That’s why I’m showing them all to you. I adore all of your inspired creations equally.

And while I’m here praying… can you also please not give me any period breakouts before my date? Or bad hair. And please help my contacts go in easily so my eyes aren’t red.

Thank you God.

Amen.